Thursday, February 7, 2013

Why I'll Never Be As Awesome As Tuna Turner

I'm one of those crazy people that actually enjoys shoveling snow.

This means that when large flakes started falling right before I went to bed, I decided that I was definitely going to wake up early the next morning, run out outside, and shovel every last bit of snow from the driveway.  Bursting with energy at 6:30 am, eyes bright, I, the super amazing and royally awesome hero, was going to tackle all adversity.

This is what I live for!

See?  I even have my green boots!

Unfortunately, when my alarm went off at 6:30 am, I realized a few things.

  1. I'm not Tina Turner,
  2. There is no Thunderdome,
  3. There are snow hills, rather than sand dunes, and
  4. It's 6:30 am!!!
I hit 'snooze' and rolled over, pulling the blankets up to my chin.

My husband wasn't so fortunate.  Since he has to actually drive to work, he had no choice but to wake up - no snooze button - and go out into the great white beyond with a shovel.  Naturally, since I'm someone that enjoys shoveling, the only thing that really made me feel any sympathy was the up-before-the-sun part of it.

...Until I dragged myself out of bed fifteen minutes later, having happily hit my snooze button three times.  I would have slept even longer, of course, but it was a school day for my daughter.

I walked downstairs and peeked out the living room window at the gigantic maple whose trunk is well over two feet wide.

I began to feel a bit sympathetic.

More snow had fallen than I thought, after all, and he doesn't have that same love of shoveling that I do.  He wasn't going to be particularly happy when he finally made it back inside.

Sure enough, while I was in the middle of eating my breakfast which included a mouth-watering, gloriously juicy piece of bacon, 
(Yeah, I know... the bacon isn't important to this story... but... it's BACON!)
he walked through the door, somewhat resembling a snowman.  Or maybe the Yeti.  Either way, he was moving slowly, massaging muscles and groaning.

Yep.  I felt bad for him.

Since I had failed in my quest to become a Tina Turner inspired warrior goddess, I felt I had to do something to perk him up.  There had to be something, after all! 

Humor is always the best medicine, I thought, so humor is what I would give him.  I decided to try out a few of my new found Minnesota-isms.  I was sure it would lighten the situation.

Minnesota/English translation:
Yuck!  There is a lot of snow outside, isn't there?

It didn't go so well.  Maybe I need to brush up on my Minnesotan a bit...

Suffice to say, it's much easier to pretend to be an athletic and driven warrior goddess when it's not quite so cold outside... and, you know... when you're in a desert.

And when the sun is up!

Perhaps I should have listened when Tina Turner crooned that "We don't need another hero..."

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