Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Hairy Beasts, Razors, and a Mandate

A few weeks ago, I was given a mandate.  Not just any mandate, mind you.  It was one that I couldn't ignore:

Shave those pits, girl!!!

Well, crap.  I really didn't want to do that.  It isn't some sort of women's rights activism thing, nor does this come from some sort of need to be different.  I don't shave my armpits because I don't like the results.  At best, my skin is itchy and irritated for a few days.  At worst, I walk around with a makeshift scarecrow stance, because it's just too painful to put my arms down.

I hate shaving.

...and don't forget the legs!


I had to listen, though.  She's getting married soon, and I have a very simple philosophy on weddings:

Shut up and do whatever the bride wants.  

And as much as I don't want to remove any hair, I can totally understand her viewpoint.  I'm not exactly in the norm, here, and she wants her pictures to be perfect.  And before you ask, no.  No, airbrushing wouldn't help.

I have a couple of large, hairy beasts living under my arms.

"Hush!!!  Someone might hear you..."  "Rawr!" "Grrr..."

They're pretty good about keeping to themselves, but occasionally they'll make themselves known.

Especially when pictures are taken.

My sister is very accommodating, and she's very supportive of my choices... even when those choices are a bit unusual.  I, therefore, had no reason to whine or complain.  This was one simple request.  I had to suck it up, and deal with it like a grown-up.

Yeah... I'm not good at being a grown-up, so this took a lot of effort.  So much effort, in fact, that I totally gave up on trying, and decided to turn it into a great quest.

The Great Hairy Beasts from the Dark Chasms of Doom had concocted a master plan to take over the world, and as their rebellious subject, it was up to me to thwart their efforts.  No risk was too great.  I alone,  with the Mighty Razor of Destiny would prevail!

Mighty Razor of Destiny - with shield!

That was the plan, anyway...

But then I kind of chickened out.

Ok, not kind of.  I totally chickened out.  As in, crawl-into-a-closet-and-curl-up-into-fetal-position chickened out.

I was scared.  

Razors have always been painful for me.  And anyway, I rationalized, they're not very environmentally responsible.  There's the energy and materials that went into making the plastic handle, and there's the waste that's produced when you throw it out... even when you throw out only the cutting edge.

"This hair removal decision is not environmentally responsible, and I shouldn't do it!"

Well, that's what I told myself, anyway...

That rationale didn't last very long, though.  I knew I was just stalling.

I searched for other methods.  

Nair was out, because it has always left me even worse off than razors. Electric razors were better for me than disposable, but I would still end up with a case of severely itchy pits.

A friend suggested waxing, and it was a valid idea... she even got her pits waxed just to see if the pain would send me back into my closet of shame.  Afterward, she assured me that it would be fine, so I figured I'd do that.

But then it occurred to me that I'd be paying someone to inflict pain on me...

So I chickened out, again.

Gee, I'm really surprised...

Finally, however, I found something that would work.  It's called sugaring, and it's a milder form of hair removal than any of the previously mentioned methods.

Even better, it's totally green!

Sugaring uses common household ingredients, and is water soluble.  This means that everything breaks down easily, so there's no waste to send to the landfill .  It's also completely edible - and yummy.

That's right!  If I got it wrong, I could eat the evidence!


I found an awesome tutorial, so tomorrow I'll share it with you, and let you know how everything went.  Tomorrow I'll talk about the recipe creation itself, and the next day we'll look at the results.

If someone like me has the confidence to eradicate the nefarious Hairy Beasts using this method, it should be a breeze for you!


  1. Hope it went well! I'm excited to hear the details. The waxing really didn't hurt that much, but I'd be interested in something that can be done at home.

  2. The process was... interesting. I sort of, kind of didn't watch the temperature as much as I thought I did, so there were... issues... but I still have a few tricks up my sleeve! Hooray!